Sleep, glorious sleep

I'm tired. I think I've been tired for most of my 50 years. I've never been a good sleeper. Mom loves to tell people that I never slept as a baby - apparently I was too afraid that something was going on around me and I might miss it. Truth? Probably.

I've always been one of those people that have never really enjoyed sleeping. Crazy, I know. It just seems like another chore that I don't have time for. My motto during my 20's - 40's was "I'll sleep when I die". Sometimes I think I took that a little too literally as I think I only slept a couple of hours a night during those years. That was what Diet Pepsi was invented for. Stay up all hours of the night, go to bed at 4am, get up at 5am for work and chug a Diet Pepsi on the way to work - no coffee for this girl - smells great but tastes like feet!

I've tried everything to help me sleep. Sleeping pills - yuck, they just give me a wicked hangover or a nasty taste in my mouth for the whole day. If I'm going to feel hungover all day I want the memories of a ripping good party to be fresh in my mind. Melatonin - can you imagine freaky clowns chasing you in your dreams? That has got to be the weirdest sleep aid - too crazy for me! A couple of cocktails - even resorted to that! When I used to work night shift, as I did for most of my working life, I even tried downing a couple before sleep to see if it would help. Not so much, I had to get up to pee from all the liquids!

Now I've created this crazy ritual before sleep. Get in my jammies, wash the makeup and days work off my face, brush my pearly whites (who forgot to tell me that they aren't so pearly white as we age?) and make sure to hit the head before jumping in to bed. Tiptoe in to the bedroom as husband goes to bed much earlier than I do - I could say it's because he is REALLY old but the truth is he's younger than me (yeah for me - go cougars!!) and he gets up at an ungodly hour of 4am!! I turn on the light a little, push hubby on to his side of bed, whisper "stop snoring" in to his ear and snuggle under my comfy bed ensemble. I have to read for at least 15 minutes or the brain does not shut down. I like to read a good book but I tend to forget everything I read at night - read yesterdays post to understand that - so I generally whip out the People magazine - aka, toilet reading. Oh, must get up to go to the bathroom again just in case my bladder is still full. Crawl back in bed and try to read myself to sleep once again. What a chore just to get to sleep!

After a night of punching my pillow trying to get comfortable, flipping around on our very expensive new mattress trying to find a position where my fibromyalgia isn't killing me, hearing the house alarm going off as my shift worker son comes home at 3am and continually yelling at my hubby or trying to roll him over to decrease his snoring I wake up - more exhausted than when I went to bed.

And what do I wake up to? Birds! Lovely little things that they are. How can something the size of a quarter emit such a loud shrill sound. I jump out of bed and try to stare down the little bugger sitting on the tree outside my window. He keeps chirping as he knows there is nothing I can do. Oh wait, he is flying away, is it because he sees me with my frying pan and my expensive olive oil at the ready? Damn birds, give me some salt and pepper and a fork - that's the way I like my birds. Wow that was harsh, must be the lack of sleep talking!

I'll sleep when I die - well can I die already because I'm freaking tired!