What's a Twitter?

I do believe I'm Twittering my life away! When I ask my friends "are you twittering" - they look at me like I've taken a hit off a bong. "What is twitter" they ask? Twitter is the newish social messaging outlet that is the craze of the moment. Some people use it for hawking their wares, some use it for a creative outlet, some have some really useful information and others use it to annoy the world.

I've been trying to negotiate my way around Twitter for a couple of weeks now. I often feel like less of a human when it comes to these sites as others seem to navigate them with the greatest of ease, not me, I clunk along like a Special Olympian (hey, Obama used this phrase on Leno, I'm just stealing his words!).

Firstly you have to sign up and come up with a "name". I wanted to use my entire jewelry site name "KellieSuttonJewelry" but apparently that was too long. So, I just ended up using "KellieSutton". I sign up with the name I didn't want to use and now what do I do? Set up your homepage. Great, more stuff I can't figure out. They want a picture of you in there - good thing I have a FABU professional picture taken by the Vancouver photographer to the stars - Kevin Clark. At least when people find me they will think I am gorgeous - love that Photoshop!! Now to write something for my bio, briefly though as everything in Twitterville is done in 140 characters or less. They say this is to keep things quick and easy but all it does is frustrate me as everything I want to say uses more than 140 characters! I come up with some lame bio but eventually tweak it a bit for something slightly more interesting. After playing around with things for what seems like days I have a homepage that doesn't make me want to hide.

Now you want to try to find people to "follow". You can follow people that you find interesting and you will have people that will follow you. There is a search area where you can find people to follow. Who do I search for and why do I want to have them on my list? I'm confused. I search for most of my friends and of course they aren't on there - they are the sane people who don't waste their lives on technology. They have a suggested user’s area which is where I look first. I can follow President Obama if I want - um, aren't you supposed to be running the country there Mr. O? I can follow Lance Armstrong if I want to feel like less of a human being - overachiever that he is! Hey, Snoop Dogg is on there - cool, I can now watch him smoke a joint on live stream on Twitter! Guess he's pissed off about the weapons charges and wants to "stick it to the man"!! John Mayer is on there - oooh, I like him - click - I'm your friend for life now John. Brooke Burke - the hottie from Dancing with the Stars is on there. I couldn't really care two hoots about her but she is married to that delicious David Charvet - maybe he'll become my friend! LOL!! Oh, just a minute, someone added me, they want to follow me - why would a 22 year old DJ from LA want to follow me? Oh well, add him anyway - at least someone wants me.

Somehow I've ended up following 125 people and 99 people are following me. There are users that have 43,000 people following them - they must be really cool or at least 43,000 people think they are. I've added some funny people, some smart people and some very odd people - aka, John Mayer - your music is great but you must take hits off that bong that my friends think I use!

Why do we Twitter? Does it mean anything? What does it add to our lives? Do I really need to know that the actor/director Kevin Smith was trying to push out an annoying poop yesterday? - I am just reporting the facts here people, he actually said that!! I spend so much time looking around, answering tweets, as they are called and basically just wasting my time.

My hubby just popped his head in my office and was trying to talk to me about his day. I was pretty much ignoring him as I'm simultaneously writing my blog and tweeting. His comment was "drop me an email when you have time for me". Twitter you are ruining my marriage.